Hi. I’m Mark. And I’m a recovering attachment addict.
I didn’t always identify as an attachment addict.
In 2015 I left an addictive relationship and ended up in 12-step recovery for codependency.
After several months, when I realised the unbridled resentment weren’t dying down for me, I focused my recovery on so-called ‘love addiction’.
At that point, I got serious. I watched, read and basically devoured everything I could on those subjects. Essentially, I turned my compulsive ‘addict’ side towards addiction recovery itself.
Many moons, and countless meetings and outreach calls later, I found I kept getting the same feedback on my own shares and advice. People told me I had a rare understanding of the patterns that played out between those with these afflictions. More than once, they asked me if I’d consider becoming a therapist.
“Not as such,” I’d reply. “But perhaps one day I’ll write about all of this.”
So one day, I did.
I’m still not a doctor of anything. What I am is a professional copywriter with an MA in Creative Writing. I’m experienced at gathering quotes, making sense of complex concepts, and putting it all into story form, in a way that’s easy to follow.
And that’s really what I’m trying to do with the Attachment Addiction Blog.
I’ve found clinical diagnostic terms like ‘codependent’ and ‘addict’ tend to get glazed looks from general members of the public – civilians, as I’ve taken to calling non-12-steppers.
But I’ve also found that almost everyone identifies with the traumatic obsessing that can accompany a breakup.
And most people have experienced someone who makes them uncomfortable with inappropriate over-sharing of personal details.
If you do, then I’ve got news for you…
You probably already know an attachment addict. Maybe you’ve even been one yourself.
If you think about it, they’re not so hard to spot.
They’re that person who’s so skin-crawlingly needy that you probably felt repulsed by them, controlled by them, and sorry for them. All at the same time.
Maybe you felt a little bit guilty that you’d judged them, too. But despite that, you found yourself unable bring yourself to go out of your way to actually help.
Or maybe you did help – and soon found yourself regretting the decision! (Think Lisa and Ralph in The Simpsons. *Shudder*).
In short, they’re the Overly Attached Girlfriend meme, come to life.
If you’ve met someone like that, you’ve probably found them difficult.
And if you’ve been that person, you probably want to make sure you don’t get like that again.
The new codependency.
All of these traits are at the root of what I’m loosely labelling Attachment Addiction.
It’s an extreme, codependent condition of damaged boundaries, inappropriate behaviour, intense neediness, and barely-controlled clinginess-come-resentment. Left unchecked, it can damage relationships, friendships, reputations and careers beyond measure.
I hope this site offers you some insight into these patterns, and what to do about them, whichever side of the fence you’re on.
And that, if you’re suffering with this stuff, my writing may offer some hope and solace. You are not alone in your daily struggles with overcoming the self-defeating agony of addictive relating.
It all starts with you doing the one thing only you can be relied on to do…
Look after yourself.